BARB MORRISON : ON BEING A TRANS MUSIC PRODUCER

Gender Amplified recently caught up with celebrated trans music producer and recording artist Barb Morrison. Barb was featured in a New York Times article where their accomplishments, personal and professional struggles, and their strength as an individual and an artist were recognized. Barb shines light onto how music saved their life as a trans artist, and they hope that through their own music, they will be able to continue empowering other trans musicians. Barb’s powerful words below…

“a few years ago i was asked to contribute a story to the ny times about being trans. as i thought about being a kid i remembered the days and nights of feeling misunderstood and downright crazy. i thought about how as i grew into my adolescence i got even more uncomfortable about my body betraying me, the puberty, the physical growth of the parts that made me feel even worse about myself. nothing was matching. my head and my heart and my body. my flesh and bones didn’t make sense to my soul.

photo credit: kris kaczor

a child or teenager shouldnt have to walk around the planet believing they’re crazy. its the loneliest feeling in the world. i was hopeless. when i was writing about it i realized that one of (if not THE) only things to literally save my life was music. this was the 1970s and 1980s. the only relief i had would be to engulf my skull with the giant padded headphones that blocked out all noise, the outside world and the damaging voices. i would switch on the stereo, pop in an 8 track tape or a cassette or put on a record, and lay back and let the sounds heal me. i paid attention to every single detail of how things sat in my ears, how things moved between speakers, how instruments were layered, how vocals were stacked and how each singer brought a different emotion to us.

when i was a pre teen i saw david bowie on saturday night live performing “boys keep swinging” dressed in womens clothing. all of a sudden the epiphany washed over me “oh my god I’m NOT crazy”. i was mesmerized by him, joey arias and klaus nomi as they danced and sang with such command. they were owning something that i felt inside but that id never witnessed in a tangible form before. all i could think was “i don’t know who they are but i gotta get out of this town and go find them”

that single performance gave me the permission to live. at least for the next few brutal teenage years. it gave me permission to evolve through the androgyny of rock n roll, and later of punk and goth. i found more and more of these stories sang by true warriors just from diving deeper into music. by the time i became a record producer in NYC in 2001 it was clear to me that trans stories were not only interesting, colorful and unique – they were crucial to helping keep kids like myself alive.

photo credit: josh miller

it was never a decision i consciously made but it was a natural pull to start bringing trans musicians into my studio so i could help get their stories out into the world. not only so the young trans kids could hear them but so the rest of the world could be educated as well.

I’ve worked with so many groundbreaking musicians over the years and i have seen how their lyrics and their music have helped people who are also struggling. in the age of social media its a beautiful thing to be able to see the comments under a song I’ve helped write or that I’ve produced saying how “this music saved my life”. it was done for me as a young listener and now the only thing i can do is pay it forward.

trans stories are more important than ever. some of the artists I’ve worked with : venus demars, laura jane grace, our lady j, lucas silveira, anohni and so many more have crucial messages for the world. for me, the most important message is that trans people are not “other”. we are just spirits having a human experience like everyone else. we have love loss hate hurt anger sadness and joy just like anyone else.
my mission is to help bring trans stories to the front lines so that kids don’t need to feel crazy anymore. so that a 12 year old doesnt feel they need to hide. when i asked lucas silveira about this he told me “We’re all human and we all have different narratives. It’s time ours is accepted as part of the human experience rather than being seen as some outsider experience.”

photo credit: allison michael orenstein

there is much work to be done and we do have a long way to go. our political climate is pushing back on so many trans issues like bathroom regulations, military and healthcare not to mention the alarming statistics on trans people being murdered every year. more stories need to be told. our lady j who hosts an annual show benefiting the transgender legal defense and education fund said to me “if trans artists aren’t funded the art dies. the business of business needs to be talked about and the lack of opportunities for trans musicians”.

the studio needs to be a safe place for trans people to open up and create. i have heard countless stories about bullying, mistreatment and harassment in the studio. i have heard trans musicians tell me over and over about a previous producer making them cry in the booth, about being misgendered for being able to “play guitar like a guy” or for sounding “too trans” while singing.

the only way we can truly make powerful music is to allow ourselves to be real. the most effective songs are the ones where the listener says “wow. thats EXACTLY what i was trying to say but i didn’t know how”. lets open up and make MORE of this music so we can come together and have compassion.

i encourage every transgender musician to keep telling their stories. tell it so the world will understand. tell it so a kid doesnt have to feel crazy anymore. tell it so people can sing it with us.”